It is OK to not be part of the crowd. The following is an excerpt from another website, for professional growth and motivation.
Leadership Through Conversation
By P. Jestin, Staff Writer for ?
When it comes to the heart of the matter, effective leadership is not about being domineering or authoritative. It boils down to how well you communicate with your team, with your juniors and with your organization. Leadership development is not an event – it is a continuous process. One in which you help in the personal development and growth of your colleagues through respectful conversations. This ultimately leads to the growth of your organization. You are essentially trying to build a safe and trusting relationship with your colleagues. There are a few points you need to remember when trying to get into a conversation with your colleagues:
Give the person his/her space. Don’t try to force the pace of the conversation. Some people like to take their time talking. That doesn’t mean you waste time on small talk. Try to steer the conversation the right way, but let your colleague determine the pace.
You shouldn’t try to structure your conversations. Conversations are not meant to be structured. Be open to conversations that you are unprepared for.
Don’t conduct search and solve operations for problems as soon as you get down to talking. As I said earlier, people usually take time to get down to really important issues. Try to be a thoughtful listener without trying to fix or debate the issue – at least initially.
And remember: if you are looking for personal transformation in your colleagues, try not to provide the answers to their questions. Give them a chance to answer their own questions – this will help them realize what is needed to help them move forward. And when you help transform one person after another, your organization moves ahead.
How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything
You never know when someone is watching you. During those times when you are performing well and sometimes at your peak is because you know someone is watching you. But what about the times when there is no one around? (or so you think) What about when the task is not as important to you than it is to someone else? Would you still put your all into it? Great people who have integrity put all of their energy into everything they do, and they do it right, every time.
A person with integrity is always respected with the highest authority. These type of people treat everyone equally, and they respect each and every person they come in contact with. I consider myself a man of integrity, so it is my purpose to make sure that I treat everyone fairly. Also, I do more of the listening rather than the talking. I am more interested in learning about what others are interested in rather than always blurting out my own. This is key in living and being a person with integrity. You must always be willing and more than happy to help and look out for others, and learn to be considerate by thinking more of others rather than yourself. I know this conflicts with the way the majority of people today think, but to be honest, the majority is wrong, always. When you follow what everyone else is doing, you are doing things the mediocre way, or the normal way. In order to achieve greatness of any kind you must do everything differently than the rest of the crowd to get noticed. Just picture yourself in the middle of a huge audience of people. What can you do that is absolutely different than what everybody else is doing to be seen? “The important thing to remember is to not be seen with the crowd, but instead be seen as the individual from the crowd – Walt.” This is why people with integrity are rare. This is why they have high value, like a priceless diamond. In order to stand out from the crowd you must be completely different than everyone else. As you stand out, your results will always be outstanding (Get it?).
The reason I bring up integrity is to help you choose the correct way that you should do everything. If how you do anything is how you do everything then you might as well learn to do it the best way, the honest way. Doing everything with integrity leaves you a clean track record, and provides you with a clearer path on your journey. Integrity opens up doors for you. When you have this particular mindset, people are much more willing to help you, even if it means they have to go out of their way to do it.
You can almost always tell who displays integrity and who doesn’t by their actions. No matter how big or small something is, whenever someone does something a certain way, more than likely they treat other things in the same way. For example, you have a friend who you talk to frequently. The majority of the time that person is always talking negative about other people behind their back. However, when that person is around the people they talk negatively about and they are smiling in their face and carrying on as if there was no problem, chances are they probably treat you the same way behind your back.
Many people are aware of this and they take note of everything they see people do. So if those people are watching you, then you want to make sure that you are always displaying your integrity so that you can be known as an authentic trustworthy person.
Treat your less important duties the same as your most important duties, this is integrity in action at all times.
How You Treat Others Is How You Treat Yourself
In a recent post “You are looking into a mirror”, I talk about how your life around you is a direct reflection of what is going on within you. You should know that the way you treat other people is exactly how you treat yourself. You reap what you sow, what goes around comes around, or karma is what many call this. It makes no sense to treat someone with disrespect and then turn around and demand respect from someone else and expect to get it. It just doesn’t work that way. The best way of understanding this is to know that you really are looking into a mirror, and a mirror never lies.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the Golden Rule- “Do to others as you would have them do to you”. This is straight from the Bible. What it is telling us is simple, treat everyone the same way you want to be treated. Single people who are looking to get into a relationship to find love are going the wrong way. Instead of trying to find love, you should first become a loving person. Then as you are that loving person, without searching, you will attract to you, that person you truly want deep down inside. That person you attract will be that exact match for you, even if you don’t think so. However the only way it works is if you allow that right person to come to you instead of trying to force it to happen.
We of course all want to live happy, peaceful, and wealthy. The first step as I said earlier is to become that what you want to be. Once you do that successfully, you attract those things to you. What you must keep in mind is that you need to treat people in line with what you desire. If you desire a happy, peaceful lifestyle, then you need to be happy and peaceful and share that with others. You share that with others by treating them in those particular ways you want to be treated, happy and peaceful. The cool part about it, when you treat someone good, they will most likely pass it on to someone else, and so on.
So remember the Golden Rule and treat others the way you would want to be treated. Don’t expect your treatment to come back exactly how you give it from the same person you give it to. You never know, God may want to bless you through someone else. This is where many make the mistake, they give to people, and expect to be magnificently blessed through that same person. When you think and act in that way you are really limiting yourself due to the fact that there could be a large number of others who are waiting to return your treatment. So never put all of your focus on waiting for a certain person to return your blessing to you, just keep busy treating people right and keep it moving.
Failure Is An Advantage
Nobody is perfect, we have all made plenty mistakes and many failures. Sometimes it is very easy to feel low once we fail at something, it can really lower our self esteem. However, seeing failure in that particular view is of course only going to bring more experiences to match that.
There is a different way to look at failure. When we fail at something, we shouldn’t say or believe that we are failures. We are human beings, not failures. A failure is something that you mistakenly do, it is not who you are. God created humans, animals, land, water, trees, air, etc. Nowhere does it say he created failures. I believe a great way to look at failure is to not see it at all. Failure is not real. Look at everything as a success, not as a failure. We misinterpret failure. When we get a result different than what we expect we usually think of it as a failure. Although, it is not failure, it is successfully doing something different than the intended result. When you run a race and finish in second place, you don’t lose, you successfully win at second place. I could go all day with different examples, but hopefully you get the point.
The reason why I say that failure is an advantage is because when you so call “fail” at doing something, if you were aware of what you did wrong, then you are ahead of the game. The reason you are ahead is because you know exactly what not to do. When you know what not to do, and you learn what to do in whatever it is you are attempting, you have an advantage. If someone was very successful at the same thing you were attempting and they never failed at it, they know less than what you do. Once you learn what not to do, and what to do in your situation you will never fail because you know both sides. Unlike the other person who just knows what to do, if he does what he’s not supposed to do he won’t know that he is doing something wrong. This is the reason why you always here of those people who grew up doing the wrong things, and then as they are older they are the wisest people you know. The reason is because they grew up doing things a certain way. They learned that the particular way they were choosing to live their life was wrong. They found out what the right way was, and then later held on to what they knew was right. Children who grow up poor and want to make a change to better their life have an advantage because they know certain things they must not do. Not only that, but I’m sure they have plenty of motivation to do whatever it takes to get out of their situation compared to someone who is comfortable.
So remember, failure doesn’t really exist, it is successfully receiving a different result. Once we receive a different result, we should remember what we did wrong, and then begin to learn what is right. If you seek, you will find. Search for the correct way, and the door will be opened to you.
Attention Equals Love
This is pretty obvious once you see the title, we all know that attention equals love. Sometimes we are just unaware with what our attention (love) is at most. Attention on anything is no different than focusing on something. What you focus on grows, and whatever you put your attention to is just the same. Attention equals love because showing love to something is showing that you are interested, and to show that you are interested in something, attention is required.
Nothing can grow in your life that you don’t put the required attention to. Seeds need to be watered and nurtured consistently in order to grow into plants. Muscles need to be exercised on a consistent schedule in order to grow stronger. Goals must be first of all remembered and the required action must be in place consistently in order to achieve them. Your mate in a relationship must see your consistent attention (love) in order for them to continue to be with you while also having a great relationship. We need food and liquid consistently in order to live. Each of these examples show that life is consistent. You don’t live it by doing something once to get consistent results. You have to put in consistent attention and action on what you want in order for it to be maintained, or to see it grow. Look over the areas in your life to see what needs the attention that you haven’t given enough of. You should also see what you have given your attention to that you don’t want in your life. This is what many of us do. We put too much attention on the things that annoy us, or the things we hate. All of this complaining only strengthens our complaining. Don’t be in love with your misery. Stop pointing out what is undesirable to you, and start pointing out the things you like. Be interested in what you want. You don’t like bad news, nobody does. So stop watching the news, you don’t want to create similar situations in your life. So place your attention elsewhere and watch that particular area grow.
Think about this. Lets look at your thinking as if every single thought you think is considered money. So everything you think about, you are spending your money on. The thoughts we consistently think now, determine our future. Our future is very important to us all. If we are living in an undesirable situation no matter the condition, we have the future to rely on as hope. The future will be different than the present. The reason is because thoughts change. However, if you are consistently focused on the way life is for too long, and it is something that is undesirable, then you will just continue to recreate the same situation. “You get what you pay for”. In other words, the thoughts you think now determines what your future brings about. So it would be wise to bring your attention (love) to what you want in your life. Once you do this, you are actually investing in a new future. One thing you must know is that you can never receive something you don’t believe you can have, or you can never purchase something without buying it. So pay attention I know you’ve heard that before, probably plenty of times in school. So from this point on, be aware of where your attention is mostly, because you are investing in your future whether you want it or not. Find out what you want in your life, then give your undivided attention. You get what you pay for.
Having a gratitude list is very important considering that you want more things to come into your life to be grateful for. By now we know that what you focus on grows. So by focusing on what you are grateful sends out a positive message to God, or the Universe, (whatever you choose to call it) and you get back more of what you are focused on. Also, if you are trying to manifest a change or have something new in your life, then you would need to be grateful for what you have already in order for anything else to come. Example, if I want a new car, I must be thankful and have a true attitude of gratitude towards the car I already own. Even if I was walking, I should be thankful no matter what my method of transportation may be. As you show gratitude, you open up doors to new things that will make you even more happier.
Here is an example
I am so happy and thankful now that ___________This is where you fill in the blank. And as you come up with your list, make sure that you internalize the thoughts of gratitude. As you internalize them by thinking on what you are grateful for, remember to feel it. This means put all of your energy into feeling grateful, all day everyday, everywhere you are. Having an attitude of gratitude is just like being humble. So being humble with an attitude of gratitude would be a great advantage to manifesting the life you want. Did I mention that gratitude is the most powerful forces in the universe?
Don’t React, Respond
The way to handle life when undesired situations come up is not to react to it, no, that would only make things worse. When we “react” to certain things that happen to us, it is no different than taking action without thinking first. Taking action without thinking, or planning first is a simple mistake many people do in life, especially in relationships. Although, it goes much further than relationships, we sometimes have the tendency to react to many situations in all areas of our lives. Such as our jobs, our businesses, health conditions, failures, setbacks, and so on.
The solution is to no longer react to life problems, but to clearly respond. As we respond to situations we should think clearly before we say or do anything so that the correct word and right action are taken. It sounds pretty simple, but at those times when you are upset, for some this way could be a challenge. However, when you actually do it, you always feel much better at the end knowing that you handled everything in a respectful way by intelligently handling the problem by responding.
Every issue that we have desires a solution. That problem or issue needs to be handled in the correct way. The solution is no different than a lock. Once you open the lock your problem lets you go, and then you are free from that particular problem. But, the key to opening the lock is to know the combination. Only the correct inputs in a combination can open the lock, right? Well, reacting to problems is like pulling and yanking at the lock hoping it will open. We know that wouldn’t work, so the best way, and only way to open the lock (problem) is to make sure you input the correct code. Responding to things intelligently is exactly how you place the correct code into the lock and then opening it.
You must respond intelligently to handle any problem or issue and see it’s solution. In order to respond intelligently, you must know how to respond. Here are a few of many tips.
1. Make sure you have all of the facts first. Many people look very foolish when they try to attempt to give a clever response, but without the correct facts. This is like confidently putting in the wrong combination to the lock. So whatever you do, get the facts straight.
2. Know how to get the facts if you don’t have them. A great way to do this is by applying the number one tool to staying alive, ASK QUESTIONS! Continue to ask questions about everything, and every detail that is relevant to successfully solving the problem. “The more you ask the more you know, the more you know the more you can apply – Walt”
3. Don’t try to attack the person or thing. Sometimes everybody just wants to be right, and it seems like we’ll do anything to win. In order to solve problems, the focus should not be Win Lose, but Win Win situations. Win Win situations is when both sides win. Win Win situations won’t come if you attack the other person for example by bringing them down. You should strategically plan what you are going to say first, of course. You do that by telling that person how good of a person they are, and why you appreciate that person. Then tell them what they did right in the situation (you can find something, it’s there if you look closely) and once you have lifted them up a little is the perfect time when you tell them gently what they did wrong. If you do this successfully the other person will actually listen to you, and the chances are much more higher that the problem will be resolved much easier, and faster.